I have a confession. I am human. It's true. Despite being a professing and practicing Christian, I am still human. Due to this, I am prone to human tendencies. Try as I may, I cannot escape them. I tell you this because there is a difference between having tendencies and giving into them. Yes? Let me clarify, I do not excuse bad behavior, justify it, discard my purpose, turn my back on God or any other command given to me that may undermine my beliefs as a Christian. I call it my "5 minutes."
You have them, too. A long time ago, I learned a little trick. When things hit you from out of nowhere, when less than positive things happen, when you're down, blues, sad, hurt, struck with bad news, shocked, caught off guard, faced with what feels like "odds stacked against you" or "forces out to get you," no one listening, nothing is going right, everything is happening all at once... you get the picture here... the pity party we want to throw is inevitable. Rather than ignore it, I allow, "5 minutes" to wallow. After that, I gotta wipe my eyes, straighten my back and move one.
If we are remotely familiar with the Bible, we can find examples of "5 minutes" occurring throughout scripture. Just about every great leader, hero, protagonist or major/minor influencer presented to us had their own "5 minutes." Each one's was different and was derived from different sets of circumstances but they were there. When you start to study, you may find yourself asking them (either in your head or out loud) "What in the world?" and at the same time finding a bit of hope.
Moses - he did not feel equipped to face Pharoah. He doubted himself and made every excuse he could think of. He was not a public speaker (by any means) and tried to push it off on his brother. His "5 minutes" created a "boatload" of unnecessary internal drama and conflict. Yet, God was there. Moses overcame both internal and external enemies to do what needed to be done. Was that the only "5 minutes" he had? No. But Moses kept going. It wasn't the first time and it wasn't going to be the last time.
Gideon - I often think God was never so patient as He was with Gideon. His unbelief had him saying "but" and "if" to God more than I would have remotely dared to. Gideon's "5 minutes" was really more like a perpetual "5 minutes" yet his faith eventually won over.
Joshua - how do you think Joshua's "5 minutes" went? Not only did he have to contend with his personal "5 minutes" but also those of his men. Just walk around and on the seventh day, we will sound our trumpets and the walls will fall. Can you imagine what transpired while they walked? Let's be honest, at our core, how much have people changed?
I raise a hallelujah, with everything inside of me
Daniel - Daniel got taken away from everything he knew when he was a young boy, forced to learn foreign ways, adopt foreign, well, basically, everything. No matter what he faced, he never lost his belief in God. Even when thrown into a den of lions and being tested, Daniel did not give in, not once, to his "5-minutes."
Paul - if there was one man who had more than one "5 minutes" I am sure it was Paul. Paul, who literally was stricken blind, imprisoned numerous times, ridiculed because he had such a radical shift in mindset, who had to face himself (remember it was he himself who said he was a Hebrew among Hebrews and an expert of "the law") there was no way he could have escaped "5-minutes" on his own.
Job - there are a few stories that illustrates worshiping during the mystery. One of the most well-known is Job. Often, one will hear, "the patience of Job." Between us, I disagree. A student of the Book of Job may be able to point out instances where Job, did indeed, lose his patience. Yet, no matter what he faced, what he endured, what he was advised, Job never lost his faith. He did not what else was going to happen (and I am sure there were moments he was just stilling there in his "5 minutes" thinking, "what's next? I know it is coming. I am just going to sit here and see what it is." He still remained faithful.
I raise a hallelujah, fear you lost your hold on me!
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego: the teenagers who walked into a burning furnace as though it were a spa and walked out as though it was nothing more than a crosswalk; came out unscathed when the guard who opened it could not even do that. "5-minutes" of fear had to have run through them more than once from the time decree and orders when out until the moment they realized who was in the furnace with them.
My "5-minutes" seem to have lasted since my sister has died. First, she died. Since then: there was challenges with her death certificate and circumstances around her death. Our mother has not been handling it well and not been so "motherly." I have not been willing to allow myself to fully embrace the fact she is gone. My husband had hernia surgery and it turned out it was a double hernia and it was torn making the surgery longer as well as recovery harder, more painful and longer than anticipated and more expensive. My best friend is experiencing challenges financially and health wise that I cannot solve or ease for her. My mom caught covid then found out the valves in her heart are leaking. My uncle found out his gallbladder is torn but they cannot operate because he is in such poor health. I have had two major water leaks one causing the wall in my kitchen to be torn out. I was without a refrigerator for almost 6 weeks then the back-up freezer died so I had to replace both. The hurricane slammed into the state where my son now lives - his first apartment; first time on his own. I stayed up all night in a panic because he forgot to tell me he evacuated and then just didn't want to so kept up the lie he was still there until I figure it out (it was a category 4!) The new job I have is not quite what I thought it would be. The muscles in my neck and shoulders are spasming so bad it wakes me up and I had the worst migraine I have had in months. Its the holidays now and the person I would go to with everything is no longer here! (the other things I think I am choosing to block out.)
Up from the ashes, hope will arise
Death is defeated, the King is alive!
I do not particularly like relaying my "business" to others. But I share this with you because for the past 8 weeks, I have felt, at times as though I were drowning. In those moments, I realized I was having my "5 minutes." I had to stop and make a conscious decision to change the way I looking at things.
The enemy wanted me to dwell on how I felt - the hurt, the selfishness, the pain, the overwhelmingness, the helplessness, etc., instead of God's truth.
I realized my worship had shifted from a constant state to one of acknowledgment and lack-luster prayer. I was worshiping; it just wasn't the heart felt praise God deserved. I wasn't mad at God. I didn't blame God. By the same token, I realized part of me was forsaking Him.
I raise a hallelujah, with everything inside of me
Everything inside of me wanted to cry. To my core, I was trying to hold it together. What I wasn't doing was letting God hold me together. God was telling me He was there. He was telling me I did not have to do this alone and I kept telling Him I wasn't yet He told me I wasn't surrendering to Him either. He knew my heart. I kept telling Him I know and I knew He loved me. That I was OK. He told me we both knew that was a lie.
I realized, if I was truly honest, I was taking a bit of comfort in the darkness. I could hide there. I really didn't want to but as long as I stayed there, I could justify my feelings and half-heartedly reach for God's truth. I wasn't hurting anyone, not really. I was only hurting myself. Not true. I was breaking God's heart.
How long was it going to take for me to quit trying to control things? How long did it take me to surrender that control in the first place? Losing my sister was enough to make me decide I needed to seize it? Who was I? Had I not learned by not what happens when I do this?
I raise a hallelujah, fear you lost your hold on me!
I was beginning to once again slip into a mindset of fear; a mindset I had abandoned years ago. I was choosing this even though I was not aware I was doing it.
Up from the ashes, hope will arise
Death is defeated, the King is alive!
I stopped and went to God. I really went to Him. And we had a true heart to heart. I had some realizations:
I was praying for the job I have now. It is like anything else in life. It is not going to be perfect because there are people involved. Give it my best and be at peace with that. I work for Him not man. AMEN!
Mom's COVID: she didn't die. People get sick and will continue to get sick. AMEN!
The heart value and the gallbladder, to be honest, we knew they are in bad health, so is this really a revelation or validation of things we already knew? Worry or fear isn't anything that will help. Them trying to solicit a response in me isn't going to help either. I will pray that God's will be done and accept He knows what is best. AMEN!
Water leak outside is a lot better than one inside. AMEN!
The water leak inside could have been so much worse. It has been mitigated. The mold is now gone. It is getting fixed. Sure, the hole is yuck. I am blessed it lasted this long. I am blessed it did not happen while I was unemployed and could not pay for it or when I was alone or when my husband was "out of commission." It actually was a blessing! AMEN!
I can't remove the burdens of my friend but I am grateful I have a true friend (which is rare these days.) I can do what I can do. That is what I am supposed to do. AMEN!
To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid. My son is trying to become a man. Children are a gift. They have to be their own person not what their parent wants them to be. While I am not happy with what transpired, I am grateful he is safe. I have the opportunity to express my disappointment and hurt but to also extend grace and forgiveness. AMEN!
I had the health insurance that afforded me the opportunity to call the doctor and a job that allowed me to work from home during the migraine. WOW! Is that a blessing! AMEN!
Yes, I have muscle spasms but at least I have a body that is alive, operational and can feel. I was able to obtain treatment. I have the ability to rest. Pain is temporary. AMEN!
My husband could have died because of the tear but he did not. AMEN! Yes, he had a longer recovery but he recovered. AMEN! That in and of itself is a miracle. Sure, he could not do anything for a couple weeks, but I had the opportunity to serve and step up. AMEN!
My sister is no longer in pain or sick and ill. AMEN! I will eventually adjust. Until then, I have God to lean on, to grieve to and you know what? He knows how it feels and He knows my heart and HE IS THERE FOR ME! AMEN!
The refrigerator issue was just plain bad customer service. It happens. I did get to appreciate the conveniences in my life. Had a little extra exercise walking to and from the garage for things. I did less snacking. Learned a little appreciation. Realized, wow, the refrigerator I had lasted over 26 years - how amazing is that! AMEN!
I also realized a few other things as the Holy Spirit and I talked but as I like to say, that was not a conference call, so I will keep those things to myself.
I think I will let God be God because I am not so good at it. I am not supposed to carry everything myself. When I worship Him, my "5 minutes" really isn't needed. My worship doesn't have to be loud it can merely be a whisper:
I raise a hallelujah, with everything inside of me
I raise a hallelujah, fear you lost your hold on me!
Up from the ashes, hope will arise
Death is defeated, the King is alive!
Yes, He is!
In my "5 minutes" I forgot the one thing I tell others: "its OK to have your 5 minutes to wallow; just be sure to follow it up with 5 minutes of worship." It doesn't have to be grand, it can be a whisper, as long as it is there. If we are honest, our 5 minutes of wallowing can actually be turned into worship. Do you think maybe Moses' used his 5 minutes: Lord, do you see them? I wasn't even gone that long. They have returned to their old ways? Why do we even try? I really am too old for this. Job: What is there left to take? Look, right here... here is a spot that wasn't covered! I just want a break! Daniel: I wonder if a lion plays with its food? Shadrack: Don't worry, the smoke will kill us before the flames. Paul: I'm hungry and tired and cold. I'm lonely and its so dark. Joshua: I wish they would stop complaining and whispering. It will work.
They all had that moment yet they not once lost their faith. They worshiped, they believed, they turned to their God, the Almighty, and no matter what they faced, no matter how they felt, they held firm to the Truth, they went to Him and they planted their feet, and they moved forward. They knew who fought for them, who fought with them; they knew who carried them when they couldn't anymore; they knew who gave them strength when theirs was running low. They knew it was OK to have their "5 minutes" as long as they did not wallow.
I ask you, do you know? Are you stuck in your "5 minutes"? Is it time to turn pity into worship? You have to start somewhere. Remember, He never said the "weapons would not form," He said, "they would not prosper." There is no better time than right now, right this very moment to stop what you are doing and go to the Lord and "Raise a Hallelujah." The question you have to ask yourself, which "5 minutes" do you truly want - the one that will only feed your sadness, hurt and problems or the one that will bring comfort, healing and strength?
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