I try to make my posts relateable so I share personal stories with you. It isn't always easy to open up about things; however, it is the closest thing to "evangalizing" I do. To me, seeing God work in every day life is the most amazing gift we can be given. I am often in awe of His Mercy and Grace but more importantly, I am truly grateful that He - THE one true God, all powerful, all knowing, creator of everything, Alpha & Omega - knows me, has a personal relationship we me, takes time for me, keeps His promises to me, helps me, rescues me, supports me and to be frank tolerates me, puts up with me, has patience with and for me and no matter how good or bad it gets always loves me!
I had what I can only refer to as a "God moment" this week. I have pnemonia and happened to be working from home. My son, who has been in Florida for college, decided to come home for a wedding and was scheduled to come home. I was trying to work. The door bell rang and without thinking or checking the doorbell camera (because I just knew it was my son) I opened the door. To my dismay, it was my sister's husband.
[BACKSTORY - if you are just joining us or do not know, me and my sister were very close. Me and my sister's husband - not so much. My sister suddenly passed a year ago. To call us "estranged" since she passed would be an understatement. There is way too much to elaborate on as to why but I will say I love him as a child of God. I dislike him as a person. I detest him as my sister's husband. It is best I leave it at that. Please know, I pray about it all the time.]
I had already opened the door. I could not slam it shut. (Looking back, I am not sure why I thought that but I did.) I was at home alone and there he stood, on my porch. I started to feel my blood boil. I am standing inside my doorway and he is standing on my porch. I did not invite him in and had no plans to do so. To be honest, I had no idea what he was doing at my house.
He handed me a "medical book" to which he had a well prepared story of how he believed it to have belonged to my grandparents and that I probably would like to have it back. Seriously? He drove ALL the way to my house on the off chance I would actually be home to give me a book - forgetting the actual line of work my sister was in HER ENTIRE LIFE - that he assumed belonged to my grandparents? Really? I took the book and said thank you as politely as I could. I started to shut the door when the REAL reason he was there manifested. Apparently, he was upset about the headstone that had been placed on my sister's grave.
"HERE I AM" ~Isaiah 58:9b
As I listened and the words I was hearing started to make me angry, I felt hands laid upon my shoulders. That helped me stand a little taller as I listened to how tacky the headstone was, how alledgedly he had ordered one much nicer - with, "her words" on it - had to cancel it, how it stayed dirty, wasn't given a chance. then I distinctly heard, "Your mother..."
"I GOT THIS" ~2 Timothy 1:7
Just as I opened my mouth to spew forth my rebuttal, I felt a nudge and all that came out was:
"I did it."
He stopped talking. The look on his face was as though I had punched him. He was all ready to unload on me and trash someone else and honestly had not expected to hear three simple words (even though the headstone reads, "Best Sister Ever" in Latin which had he translated it he would have known I did it.)
He caught his breath and then started to tell me how wrong it was of me. He was her husband. He was only a man. He was only one man and could only do so much...
"YOU ARE MINE" ~Isaiah 43:1b
I was still standing in my doorway. He was still standing on my porch. I could still feel the hands on my shoulders. They had wrapped around me a bit and for a moment, held me up (or maybe back when I had a moment of weakness.) I also believe they covered my ears to the nonsense I didn't need to hear and filled me with a peace that could have only come from one place (or else I might be writing this from a place where I need bail or worse.) I interupted him and simply said,
"I did it."
When he opened his mouth to say something else, I merely repeated, albeit a little louder and a little bolder,
"I did it."
With that, he hung his head, muttered, "Happy Thanksgiving" and left.
Why do I tell you this? Don't you see? This could have gone several different ways but it didn't. Why didn't it? Because the Lord stood with me and gave me strength. He emboldened me. He was with me. He handled it when I was weak. I was dressed in His armor and the "battle" (whether real or perceived) was handled. I spoke merely the truth and nothing more. I was shielded from the "arrows" and was not lured into anything because the Holy Spirit grounded me. My natural instinct was/is quite the opposite. Would I have accomplished the same thing if I had acted any other way? Looking back on it, I am positive I would not have have. Sure, I was a tad bit angry when he left but I prayed about it and when I did and I realized what had transpired, my burden was no longer heavy. I actually for the first time, in a long, long time, felt as though the load had been lightened. In that short interaction, God was able to convey a message that for over a year, I had not been able to. There was no way I could have ever accomplished this by myself. God knew what I needed, what he needed to hear and God knew how to deliver it.
If you are honest with yourself, aren't there times when you need to be still and turn it over to God? To surrender to His way of handling things instead of what you "really want to do or say?" Do you rely on your own "feelings" or gut reactions instead of reaching out to the Holy Spirit? Have you ever considered maybe your way isn't the best way or isn't working? Have you considered when the Word tells us that God's "got this" and "you are His" and "He is here" that it is true - He hasn't lied to us yet so why would He about that? The God who said, "I am God" is the same God who is YOUR GOD. Isn't it time you said three words to Him - "I am Yours?"
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